But I Digress . . .: "Your Favorite Bully," from The 13 Years

Hey all. It's been a pretty busy last couple of weeks, so the blog has been sitting with just the one story for a long time. Now I've got nothing to do (YES!!!) so, I'm putting on another story. This one is taken from The 13 Years, which is part of a longer series dealing with this group of people. It's another work in progress, although not much progress has been made on it for quite a while. The book is really a series of thirteen short stories, each focusing on a different year of a different character's life. This is Ashley's story. Her year is 2005.

Ashley was a bully and a loner before this group found her. She leads a difficult life. She's an orphan, and is passed around from relative to relative, not spending more than a few months in one spot. The only way she can really communicate with her friends is by e-mail. This is a collection of Ashley's e-mails (plus a few IM conversations) to her friends. It describes a year in Ashley's life, as she tries to cope with her problems, and help her friends back home cope with theirs. Had I written this more recently, the story would probably circulate around a blog instead of emails. But I like the emails. They're a little more personal.

Those of you who know this storyline a little better will notice that one character is conspicuously absent from this story: Peter. That's because Peter's character, as anything other than Sabrina's boyfriend, complicates things, because it involves a lot of back story, and I wanted to make this piece stand alone as its own short story. So I did a little editing. The character of Peter exists only as Sabrina's boyfriend in Georgia for this story.

Anyway, here's an edited version of Chapter 2: Your Favorite Bully, from The 13 Years. Happy reading! (PS-Sorry about some of the issues with the format. Blogger doesn't seem to want to listen to me when I say to erase the twenty spaces between two lines. Grrr . . .)

***

The 13 Years

by Matt Guion

Chapter 2: Your Favorite Bully

TO: 13bbgforrester
CC: 13bbgkale, 13brainyblonde07, 13ditz07, 13happygirl89, 13lilpunk24, 13mkasnub,
13purplehair89, 13redheadhottie07, 13shyoung, 13strawberryfreckles.
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: November 2, 2004
SUBJECT: Hello, again!

Dear Everyone,

Sorry I haven’t written for so long, but I’ve been pretty well cut off from the Internet since my last move. I was going to sit down and handwrite and mail your letters, (yes Mandy, there is such a thing, ;-) ), but I could never find the time. I’ve been trying to keep busy, though it seems pointless thanks to my frequent moves, just to keep my mind off . . . things. It hasn’t always worked, but I’m making it.

Let me give you an idea of where I am; it’s kind of out of the way. I’m in Nebraska, first of all, about five miles north of the Southern border, and about a hundred miles west of the Eastern one. (If you want to try and find my exact location on a map, be my guest.) The town is called Lupinville, (the address is at the end of this e-mail if you actually have the time to sit and handwrite a letter) and it’s right smack in the middle of nowhere. Even more so than Samuel Springs. Not that I’m complaining mind you. I just came from Chicago, so the abrupt change of scenery is nice, if unsettling.

I’ve got lots to tell you, which I’ll probably give you individually in short bursts in the coming month. Right now though, I’ve got some unpacking and settling in to do. I’ve saying with a cousin of my dad’s. He seems like a nice guy, but I don’t think he’s used to taking care of someone else, so I may not be here for very long. (No surprise there, right?) Anyway, this was just a quick note to say hi and to let you know I’m still alive. Hope everything’s going well. Write me as soon as you can. I miss you guys!

Your favorite bully,
((Ashley))
~~~

TO: 13bbgforrester, 13bbgkale, 13strawberryfreckles.
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: November 15, 2004
SUBJECT: Sympathy for a loss

Sam and Susan,

Just got your e-mail the other day about Tabbitha. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I know you two were her best friends, and must be going through hell right now. I’m glad that you’re trying to find her on your own. I’m sure that she’s out there somewhere, and I have every confidence that you’ll find her. (Listen to me. I sound like Amy.) I know I can’t be a lot of help here in Nebraska, but if there’s anything I can do from this end, let me know. Even if it’s just another pair of eyes to see something. I want to help in any way that I can. Tabbitha is my friend too, and I know what it’s like to lose a loved one.

I will offer some advice that might help you a little bit. If you do have an organized search going, you need to look beyond Forrest Falls and Samuel Springs. Chances are that if Tabbitha were there, she would have been found by now; she’s pretty well known in that area, and it’s been a month. You have already come to this conclusion. Also, if the police haven’t stepped in yet, (and I’m guessing they haven’t) you need to lean on them a bit. Don’t be satisfied with that, "We’ll wait and see," crap they’ll try to feed you. Don’t be satisfied until you get an unconditional "Yes, we’ll help," from them. That’s what Tabbitha would do.
I gotta go. Good luck with your search, and keep me up to date on what’s happening.

Your friend,
Ashley

PS.-Just so you’re aware, yes I’m still sending my e-mails to Tabbitha, because I know that at some point, she’ll be able to read them. Also, Happy Sweet Sixteen, Samantha. I know your mind probably wasn't on it, but I hope it was a good birthday anyway!

~~~

TO: 13lilpunk24
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: November 15, 2004
SUBJECT: State champs! Wow!

Libby,

Hey punk! Thanks for writing me. The amount of information in your letter was second only to Molly’s. Congratulations on your soccer team getting state championship. Wow! I know you were always bragging about them being good, but I guess this proves that it wasn’t just hot air. (Not that I ever doubted you . . .) Also, congratulations on getting first chair in band. I’m not much for music, but I know that you must be good to get first chair as a sophomore. (Either that, or the other trumpet players are really bad!)

You wanted to know about my school. Well, I’ve only been here for a couple of weeks, but I’m starting to get an idea of how things work here. It’s a small town school district, just like Coleman. The high school’s got about 400 hundred students all together. But you’re probably more interested in the sports teams and stuff. From what I hear from the other kids, the football team pretty much sucks; they only won one game this year. The soccer teams aren’t much better, I’m sorry to say. They do, however, have a volleyball team to contend with. They just missed getting the regional championship.

As for the music program . . . well, it’s not terrible, but it’s not quite is good as Coleman’s. I guess when you’re in the middle of nowhere in Nebraska, you can’t expect a whole lot of culture, can you? That was one of the big differences between here and Chicago. In Chicago, there was a little bit of everything. Here, it’s like there’s just one kind of person. But then, I’ve only been here two weeks; I’ll probably get used to it.

It’s weird actually getting to know people. I’m sure I’ve been in a setting like this at least once, but I never wanted to be a part of it, so I didn’t really see it. Now that I’m actually seeing it, I can see how much different these areas are. But on the other hand, there are some similarities, too. I think, for instance, that I’ve met at least one Mandy in every place I’ve been. And one Kris. And it’s always my hope to find a Libby, though they’re harder to come by.

Now, about this Matt Morton guy. I don’t know him, but I remember who he is. I can’t really give you any advice, except that if you like him, by all means ask him out. I mean, even if it doesn’t work out, it’s just a high school relationship, right? It’s not like you’re getting married or anything.

Well, that’s about all for now. I’d ask you to let me know what’s going on at Coleman, but between you and Molly, I’ve already learned everything there is to know. Let me know if anything new comes up, and write me as soon as you can. Oh, and good luck with the search for Tabbitha; as I already told Samantha and Susan, I really hope you find her. Until next time.

Your fellow punk,
~~Ashley~~
~~~

TO: 13mkasnub
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: November 15, 2004
SUBJECT: Hang in there, girl!

Mandy,

Hey. Thanks for writing me. I was glad to hear from you, although I wish you wouldn’t spend half the letter apologizing for what you’ve put in the rest of the letter. Really, I don’t mind you telling me about your problems. I’ll try to help you out, then I’ll tell you about my problems, okay?

Anyway, your problem. Your mom’s not a big fan of your career interests. Well . . . that’s difficult, I know. What you expect from your parents is support, and when your mother goes so far as to go to your guidance councilor and demand that she try to change your mind, that can be hard to take. The only advice I can offer you I guess is to hang in there and keep going where you want to go. Remember this is YOUR decision, not your mother’s. If you have an interest in teaching, it is not for your mother to decide whether or not you can have that interest, and she needs to be told that. Yes, this will cause a little turmoil between you two, but I think she may see the light in the end. In the meantime, just keep going.

Things have been going all right here. Not great, but not terrible either. I’ve got a few people I could call friends. My worry is that it won’t last long enough to matter. The guy taking care of me is really nice, but he’s just not the type of person to take care of a kid. I hate to say it, but he’s not the most responsible person in the world, and I can tell he’s uncomfortable having a guest in the house. Which means I’ll probably be moving out before long. It’s frustrating, because I can’t really pursue my interests. I have wanted to be a school play for so long, but I’m never able to because I don’t stay in one place for long enough to be a part of it. I have managed to take a few dance classes, scattered here and there, and I think I’m getting to be pretty good. But I would love to become a permanent fixture someplace.

Well, there. That’s my list of problems. If you can help me figure them out, please feel free to help. If not, that’s all right. Keep writing me, even if there’s no good news. Good luck with everything.

Your friend,
!!!Ashley!!!
~~~

TO: 13bbgkale

FROM: 13bbgsmolding

DATE: December 13, 2004

SUBJECT: Sweet Sixteen

Dear Susan,

Hey kid! Happy sixteenth birthday. Hope it was everything you ever expected it to be. (Actually, sixteen doesn't feel much different, does it? Oh, well. You can drive now, at least!)

Sam wrote and said things were going slowly. I'm sorry to hear that, but it's to be expected without help from the police. She said you're leaning on them. That's good. Keep at it!

Just to give you heads up, I could be moving again pretty soon. I was kind of expecting it. Probably after finals (yay . . .) if they can find a place to dump me. I hope they wait until after Christmas; I'm planning something special for my caretaker, sort of a farewell sort of thing. He's really a nice guy, but he's not used to company, I think. He seems like kind of a loner. Like me. ;-)

Finals never seem to change, and mine start in the morning, so I'd better get some sleep. Good luck with your finals, and although it sucks to have to take them on your birthday, have a good birthday. (Who knows? Maybe they'll cancel them in your honor. I mean hey, it's your sixteenth birthday! :-P)

Your favorite bully,

Ashley

~~~

Hey! Just wanted to write and wish you all a Merry Christmas. After all the Hanukkah e-mails I got from you guys, it seemed only fitting to send you all a Christmas one. I’m kind of celebrating both this year. The guy I’m living with doesn’t really celebrate either holiday, but I assume he knows a little more about Christmas, so I’m going to help him out a little. Seeing as how I might not see him afterwards, it seems right.

Which leads to me this bit of news: I’m moving again. I know, big surprise. The guy I’m staying with is kind of relieved and disappointed at the same time. Like I’ve been saying, he isn’t used to having company for long periods of time, which is the reason I’m moving. But on the other hand, I think this guy’s gotten used to me, and kind of enjoyed the company. He really is a nice guy, but he seems a little lonely.

I’ll be moving sometime after New Year’s. I’ll give you the address then; I haven’t found it out yet. In the meantime, have a Merry Christmas!

Your favorite bully,
##Ashley##
~~~

Dear gang,

Hello, again. I’ve moved now, just in time for school to start. (Oh boy!) I’m in Dallas, Texas, with a completely different group of people. For one thing, I’m staying with a married couple, who have two kids, both younger than me. I don’t know them very well yet; I just moved in a couple of days ago. But they seem nice enough so far. We’ll see. I haven’t been at school long enough to judge anyone there, but it seems all right. Sorry I can’t write more, but it’s late and I’ve got school tomorrow. I’ll write again when I can.

Your favorite bully,
~~Ashley~~
~~~

TO: 13lilpunk24
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: January 13, 2005
SUBJECT: Sigh

Libby,

Okay, okay. So you can read minds! Did I really come off as depressed in my last letter, or were you just guessing? All right, so I’m not quite as happy as I was after my last move. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just because before I came out of a really awful situation to a pretty okay one, so I was just glad to be out of it. Now, I’ve come out of a pretty okay situation to a . . . well, I’m still not sure what my situation is here. Good, I guess. After Christmas, this depression kind of set in.

I guess what it all boils down to is this. The guy I was staying with–did I ever tell you his name? Larry, in case I never did. Well, I decided to give him a little Christmas, since he lives on his own and doesn’t have a lot of family who knows him well. So I put up some lights, got this little plastic Christmas tree I found in storage somewhere, bought a few gifts. It wasn’t huge, but he loved it anyway. He was so happy to have someone to celebrate Christmas with. For the first time, he didn’t seem uncomfortable having me with him in the house. I think he was finally starting to get used to me.

I guess I really feel bad about leaving him. I wonder if I should have stayed. I think things would have improved. And it would have been nice, not having to move for a while. I was told when I arrived in Dallas that this is just a temporary thing, and I guess I understand that. These two boys are a handful, and the last thing their parents need is another kid to take care of. Just as well. I’m not crazy about this school. Most of the kids are so stuck up, it’s not even funny. Even worse than Mandy used to be. But it means that I’ll be moving around again. I feel like I missed an opportunity to end that. You’d think that after all this time, I’d have found a home. And meanwhile, Larry’s probably sitting at home, just as depressed as I am. I just hope he finds his place, even if I don’t find mine.

That’s my letter of depression. It’ll pass; it always does. And in the meantime, I’ve got a new bunch of people to figure out. And you’ve got a basketball championship to win! Go girl, go! Write me again, and keep me up to date on everything!

Your friend,
:-/Ashley\-:

P.S. By the way, you never told me how things went with Matt. What’s the deal? Don’t I get in on the gossip? Let’s go, punk, get with it! ;-)

~~~

TO: 13lilpunk24
CC: 13happygirl89, 13purplehair89.
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: January 30, 2005
SUBJECT: I’m depressed. Can you help?

Libby, Amy, and Amber,

First of all, Happy Birthday Libby! You’ve finally joined the ranks of the Sweet Sixteen. Do you have your license yet? If not, don’t feel bad; I don’t have mine yet either, for obvious reasons. You’ve got a gift coming in the mail; hope you like it!

But there’s another reason I’m writing, too, which brings Amy and Amber into it. I’m taking Libby’s advice, and talking to someone about my depression. I was thinking about who to talk to, and I thought, who better than the Kims Sisters? Amy can do her thing and try to cheer me up, Amber can give me an idea of why I’m depressed, and Libby can keep the other two from going at each other too much. Any chance we could meet in a chat room? Let me know.

Thanks,
~~Ashley~~
~~~

TO: 13bbgforrester, 13bbgkale, 13strawberryfreckles.
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: February 1, 2005
SUBJECT: Don’t get discouraged!

Sam and Susan,

Just got your e-mail the other day concerning Tabbitha’s search. Glad you finally got the police involved. It’s almost hard to believe that it was Samantha’s doing, but I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. You’re tougher than most people think. Also, I’m glad you took my advice and started looking outside of Forrest Falls and Samuel Springs. I know you haven’t made much headway yet, but don’t let that get you. Keep looking! (As if you needed me to tell you that.)

February has arrived, which means people start slowing down, especially in the colder climate of Indiana. (Temps in the 70s today down here!) Make sure you don't let the horrible weather and seemingly impossible situation get you down.

Keep letting me know what’s going on, and let me help whenever or however you think I can. In the meantime, good luck!

Your friend,
***Ashley***
~~~

TO:13lilpunk24
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: February 15, 2005
SUBJECT: Chat Room Confirmation

Libby,
All right, Lib. I’ll be there, tomorrow at four, three my time. See ya there.
Ashley

~~~

DATE: February 16, 2005
PRESENT: 13bbgsmolding, 13happygirl89, 13lilpunk24, 13purplehair89.
13lilpunk24: Okay! Everyone here?
13bbgsmolding: Yep.
13happygirl89: I’m here.
13purplehair89: Yo.
13lilpunk24: Okay. Ashley, you wanna start by telling the others what the problem is?
13bbgsmolding: I had to leave one of my caretakers, because he wasn’t used to taking care of other people, and wasn’t very responsible. Now, I’m wondering if I should have.
13purplehair89: You liked this guy?
13bbgsmolding: Yes.
13bbgsmolding: He was really nice.
13purplehair89: How was he irresponsible?
13bbgsmolding: Well, he wasn’t really. He just wasn’t real sure of what to do. It was like he’d never had to take care of someone before.
13purplehair89: So, you think he might have been lonely?
13bbgsmolding: I’m not sure.
13bbgsmolding: But I definitely think he’s lonely now.
13purplehair89: How so?
13bbgsmolding: He always seemed uncomfortable with me around. Until I left. Then he seemed sad to let me go.
13purplehair89: It sounds like you left an impression. What did you do, exactly?
13purplehair89: Or don’t you know?
13bbgsmolding: Well, we got pretty close at Christmas. I don’t celebrate it of course, and I don’t really think he did either. But I decided to make an exception this year, and give him a little Christmas.
13purplehair89: Was he uncomfortable around you then?
13bbgsmolding: No.
13purplehair89: And now that you’ve left, you aren’t sure how he’s taking being alone again. That’s why you’re depressed.
13bbgsmolding: Yes. Do you think he’ll be all right?
13purplehair89: Well, I could tell you what I think, but I don’t think it would help you. I’m gonna let Amy take over.
13purplehair89: Please try not to get her hopes up too much!
13happygirl89: Relax, Amber. I’ve done this before.
13happygirl89: Now, you’ve left this guy after giving him an idea of what having company can be like, and you think he might not be able to readjust to his loneliness.
13bbgsmolding: Exactly.
13happygirl89: Think of it this way: maybe, before you arrived, he had no reason to go out and seek companionship. Maybe he preferred being the loner.
13bbgsmolding: Maybe.
13purplehair89: Amy . . .
13happygirl89: Amber . . .
13purplehair89: You’re getting her hopes up.
13happygirl89: Amber, did I try to interrupt you when you were talking to her? Let me work here.
13happygirl89: Now maybe, now that you’ve given him a taste of companionship, he’ll have incentive to go out seek it. Maybe he’s doing better, in other words.
13purplehair89: I knew you were gonna say that.
13happygirl89: I’ll ignore that. Ashley, what do you think?
13bbgsmolding: You may be right.
13bbgsmolding: Still, if that’s true, he’s not used to being anything but a loner. Does he know how to seek companionship?
13purplehair89: Exactly what I was thinking.
13happygirl89: That’s where you come in, Ashley. Have you been keeping contact with him?
13bbgsmolding: A little.
13happygirl89: And?
13bbgsmolding: He seems all right, but I can’t be sure.
13happygirl89: You can help him get over his loneliness, especially considering how much you’ve gotten over your own.
13happygirl89: Give him advice, like you do for some of us. I know you gave some to Susan and Samantha the other day concerning Tabbitha’s search.
13happygirl89: I think you can do it.
13bbgsmolding: Maybe. I guess I can at least try.
13purplehair89: brb
13happygirl89: Dad’s calling us.
13lilpunk24: So is this helping at all?
13bbgsmolding: A little. I’m starting to get a better idea of what to do.
13lilpunk24: It’s February. Everyone gets depressed this time of year.
13bbgsmolding: That’s true, too.
13lilpunk24: Hey, by the way, thanks for the key chains!
13bbgsmolding: You’re welcome. I figured since you’ll be driving, you could probably use some.
13lilpunk24: Nice how you found one for all of my activities.
13bbgsmolding: That was hard. I didn’t realize how much you were involved in until I tried to find a key chain for all of them. Hope I didn’t leave any out.
13lilpunk24: I don’t think so, but who knows? Sometimes I can’t keep track of everything!
13bbgsmolding: lol
13purplehair89: We’re back. And we’ve got some news.
13happygirl89: We’re moving.
13lilpunk24: What? Where?
13happygirl89: Illinois, in about a month. Don’t spread it around.
13purplehair89: Dad got a transfer. We barely have time to pack.
13bbgsmolding: Welcome to my world.
13happygirl89: We’ve g2g.
13bbgsmolding: Okay. Write me when you can. Good luck with your move!
13happygirl89: Thanks.
13happygirl89 signed off at 04:59.15 PM EST.
13purplehair89: Even Amy’s depressed about this. How can they dump this on us like this?
13bbgsmolding: Trust me. I understand better than anyone.
13purplehair89: I know. I’d better go. See ya.
13lilpunk24: See you in school.
13purplehair89 signed off at 05:00.46 PM EST.
13lilpunk24: This is so sudden. I can’t believe they’re leaving.
13bbgsmolding: I know. At least with Jessie, you knew a few months in advance.
13lilpunk24: This is gonna be hard on them. They won’t even get to have their birthday with us.
13bbgsmolding: Yeah. You’d think the transfer could wait until after the school year’s over.
13lilpunk24: Yeah. I guess this is the kind of transfer where he has to pick and move quickly, or he loses the job.
13lilpunk24: Jackass.
13bbgsmolding: Their dad, or his boss?
13lilpunk24: Both.
13lilpunk24: Anyway, I’d better go too. Hope this helped.
13bbgsmolding: It did. Thanks a lot. I owe you one.
13lilpunk24: Don’t worry about it. See ya later.
13bbgsmolding: See ya.
13lilpunk24 signed off at 5:05.08 PM EST.
13bbgsmolding signed off at 5:03.10 PM EST.

~~~

TO: 13bbgforrester
CC: 13bbgkale, 13brainyblonde07, 13ditz07, 13happygirl89, 13lilpunk24, 13mkasnub, 13purplehair89, 13redheadhottie07, 13shyoung, 13strawberryfreckles.
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: February 16, 2005
SUBJECT: Here we go again!

Dear Gang,

I know I just got out of a chat room with Amy, Amber, and Libby, but I got some news from my family group. Surprise, surprise, I’m moving again. Not sure where yet, but I’ll let you know when I get there. Til then, see ya!

Your favorite bully,
(((Ashley)))
~~~

TO: 13shyoung
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: February 28, 2005
SUBJECT: Happy . . . um, well, what are you celebrating again?

Sabrina,

So, what’s the deal with your birthday? Why couldn’t you have been born on a normal day, that actually appears every year? I was able to write you a good, proper, punctual birthday message last ear, and then this year I didn’t know whether to write this on February 28 or March 1. You just did it to through me off, didn’t you? :P Just kidding. Congratulations on making it to 17! (Wow! You’re old!) Congratulations also on being the first person this year to receive a birthday letter sent to you alone. (I sent copies of Libby’s letter to Amy and Amber. Long story.)

So I guess since I’m writing this late night, I’ll just keep writing. I could end up sending it on February 28 or March 1. You just never know. (Oh, the suspense!)

I’ve heard that Peter’s moving. Well, after three and a half years together, I can well imagine what’s going through your mind right now. You’re wondering if you’ll be able to keep the relationship going, whether things will ever be the same, and, in your case, if you’ll go back to the way you were before Peter. You remember. That shy little girl who would barely even talk to her friends. Even if you’re not letting these thoughts drift into consciousness, they are there. Trust me, I know. I’ve been there.

Let me say, first of all, that you’ve come a long way since I first met you. Of course, at that point in my life, everyone I met backed away in fright. :-) But you know what I mean. You’ve changed quite a bit; you’ve gotten over the shyness, for the most part. I think that, with or without Peter, you’ll be a wonderful person to be around. You’re strong enough not to regress back to your old self.

Second, let me offer a little empathy. During one of those moves that lasted longer than usual–I think it was about six months or so–I met this guy. This was when I was still a little awkward around people, because I was still learning how to socialize. But this guy, his name was Neal, helped me out a lot, and we became great friends. A little while later, we started dating. It seemed like the perfect relationship. We rarely ever fought, and when we did, it never lasted long. We got along great. Then, I had to move. And it was hard, because I had finally found something I was attached to, after the Thirteen. And it was even harder, because I knew that this wouldn’t be the last move, or even anywhere close to it. I was still the Drifter, though certainly not by choice.

For about a year, Neal and I tried to keep the relationship going. I moved a couple more times, and we kept writing, trying desperately not to let go. A year later, I moved to a place that was pretty close to where Neal lived, and we got back together. We spent one wonderful day together. That night, we sat down and talked. We both decided that the best thing to do was to end the relationship. It just wasn’t strong enough to stand all of my multiple moves. We still write, and we’re still really good friends. Just friends.

Don’t let this discourage you, though, because there are two major differences. One, Peter is only moving once, maybe twice, not seventeen times. It’ll be easier to keep contact. Two, where Neal and I had only been dating for maybe five months, you and Peter have been dating since junior high. That doesn’t often happen, even in a normal relationship. I think yours can stand a move or two. Trust me, you can make it.

That’s all for now. This’ll probably be your first of two letters; I’m gonna write another one right now about my new place. (Yay mountains!) Write me again if you get the chance, and good luck with everything. Happy Birthday (whenever it is!)

Your drifting friend,
~~~Ashley~~~

PS-February 28, by three minutes!

~~~

TO: 13bbgforrester
CC: 13bbgkale, 13brainyblonde07, 13ditz07, 13happygirl89, 13lilpunk24, 13mkasnub, 13purplehair89, 13redheadhottie07, 13shyoung, 13strawberryfreckles.
DATE: March 1, 2005
SUBJECT: I love it here!

Dear gang,

I’m in Colorado! Right at the foot of the Rocky Mountains. The mountains are incredible! It’s really beautiful out here. I’m living with this young couple, who own a fair amount of property, which gives me access to the mountains. And they seem pretty nice.

But the best part is the school. I go to Westmont High School, and the kids there are really nice. I’ve only been here a week, and I’ve already made a lot of friends. And they sponsor a lot of programs I’m interested in. Dance, drama, etc. I’m even considering karate. Of course, I’ll have to get a job; I really don’t want to impose on my new caretakers too much. But I can stand that.

But what’s really great is that I might finally be able to stay in one place for awhile. The people that move me around say that this could be a permanent move for me, and the couple I’m with seem obliging. Wouldn’t that be great if I could finally stay in one place long enough to actually have a life?

Also, to Libby, Amy, and Amber. Thanks for your help with my depression. I’ve been keeping contact with Larry, helping him out. When I last heard, he had met a nice girl and they were gonna start dating. So things might work out after all. Amy, you can rub that in Amber’s face all you want, and I know you will. :-)

Well, that’s all for now. Write me when you can, and I’ll try to get back to you again. See ya!

Your favorite, much more contented, bully,
:-)Ashley(-:
~~~

TO: 13happygirl89, 13purplehair89
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: March 15, 2005
SUBJECT: Sympathy from an all-too-understanding friend.

Amy and Amber,

Wow. After reading the letter you sent about your move, I feel bad about all the good things I was saying about mine. I have an idea how you’re feeling right now. (I’ll bet Jessie’s sent you a similar letter.) It’s hard moving, I know. It’s even harder when your closest (or only) friends are left behind. Let me see if I can help you out here.

Seeing as how Amy is just as depressed as Amber, I guess I’ll have to play the role of the hopeless optimist. You have the good fortune to have friends who are almost guaranteed to keep contact with you. Hell, they’ve kept contact with me for three years. So rest assured that you won’t lose touch with your friends, for the same reason you’ll miss them so much.

Now, how to get over the depression? Do what I do: keep busy. It’s amazing how much you’ll lose track of things when you’re involved in stuff. Don’t become so busy that you lose track of the outside world–specifically those friends I just talked about. But just busy enough that you don’t dwell on what’s depressing you. And eventually, it’ll go away.

Did that help? I hope so. You sure helped me last month, so I feel like I owe you. Good luck settling in, and I hope you write again soon.

Your favorite Drifter,
)))Ashley(((
~~~

TO: 13redheadhottie07
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: March 15, 2005
SUBJECT: Got any tips?

Molly,

Hey! Thanks for writing! Everytime I get an e-mail from you, I feel like I'm back in Samuel Springs, just because I know so much. ;-)So, you’re gonna try your hand at modeling? Great! You’ll be good at it.

I know from some of your e-mails that you’ve always been a very good dancer. Well, I’ve taken up an interest in it. I would’ve started sooner, but I couldn’t really find a place for long enough. A few classes off and on to get the basic moves for some styles of dancing are all I have. The class I’m taking now covers almost every type of dance you could name, and it’s a lot of fun. The instructor says I’m getting really good at jazz and (gasp!) ballet. He asked me if I had a friend somewhere who was a dancer, and I immediately thought of you. (Aren’t you flattered?) He suggests that I get some advice on dancing, outside the class, just to get a different opinion and to form my own style. Any advice you can give me by e-mail would really help.

Also, I’m taking a karate class now, and I’m trying to get involved in the school’s thespian programs. I was too late to try out for the actual play, but I did get a chance to work on the stage crew, which I guess is better than nothing, and I’m having fun doing it. I’m really glad you talked me into getting involved in stuff, although the consequence is that now I’m interested in the same stuff you’re interested in. Oh well. Could be worse, I guess. ;-) At least there’s no danger of me ever modeling. :-)

Anyway, that’s all for now. Let me now how the modeling thing goes. Good luck!

Your favorite, ballet-dancing, bully,
+++Ashley+++
~~~

TO: 13lilpunk24
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: March 15, 2005
SUBJECT: Westmont High School

Libby,

All right, punk, here it is! Information on Westmont High, the school I love so much. (Well, as much as anyone can love school anyway.) First of all, it’s in a great location. The mountains are absolutely beautiful. You’d be in rock-climbing heaven. I’ve already explored the area and I love it.

Second, I’m finally getting into some stuff I’m interested in. I already wrote Molly to ask for dancing tips, because I’m taking this really great class after school. I’m making a lot of progress, or at least my dance instructor thinks so. Also, (and you’ll be proud of me here,) I’ve started getting involved in theatre. I’m one of the prompters for the school play, Brighton Beach Memoirs. I’m also an understudy for one of the characters, but that doesn’t really count for anything. But the director did mention that if I had been there in time to audition, I would’ve had a good chance at getting the part. He didn’t say I would have gotten it mind you, just that I would’ve had a chance. Ah, well. I’m having fun, at least.

Third, and most important, the kids here actually like me! At the other schools, I was usually shunned and/or patronized because I was in foster care, and an orphan. But here, they treat me like a real person, and I’ve already got a lot of friends. Of course, as I’ve said, every school has a Mandy. This one is the girl playing Kate, the part I’m the understudy for, and she never misses an opportunity to remind me that I’m the understudy. Grrrr . . . She also seems to have a problem with me being Jewish, which is ironic since she’s portraying a Jewish woman in this play. But no one else has a problem with it.

Well anyway, other than that, it’s a really great school. Now, for your benefit, the sports teams.

Football-great. Won league championship this year, and got second in the region.
Soccer-boys stink, and girls got state champs. Feel free to rub that in Matt’s face all you want. Volleyball-also got state champs. Rivalry between the two is especially high here.
This school also has a decent boys volleyball team, which I hear is pretty fun to watch.
Basketball-girls and boys are both decent, though not great.
No wrestling or swim team. However, there is a rock-climbing team which I was just in time to join. It’s a lot of fun, and we’re doing pretty well.
Track-bad.
Softball-almost got state champs.
Baseball-also really good.

As for the music program, it’s . . . okay. For a remote location, it’s great. The theatre program is VERY good, and there’s an arts center nearby where I’m taking my dance class, which seems to know what they’re doing when it comes to the arts.

So it seems like my kind of school. That’s all for right now. Write me soon and let me know what’s going on. Until next time, punk!

Your friend,
"""Ashley"""
~~~

TO: 13bbgkale
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: March 15, 2005
SUBJECT: Tough decisions

Susan,

Hey. Thanks for writing me. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind right now, and can’t always find time for stuff like this, so it means a lot.

Things are going pretty good over here. It’s nice that I finally get a place that I like, that I may actually be able to stay in. My current family seems to like me, though I’ve only been here for two weeks, so I can’t be sure yet. And I really like this school. I just finished writing to Libby about it.

Sounds like you’re in a spot here with Sam. I know you’ve both been really aggressive with this search for Tabbitha, which is good; it’s the only way you’ll find her. But I understand your concern, and your dilemma. Let me see if I can help.

If I understand you correctly, you think that Samantha’s taking too much time away for this search. That her life has become the search, in essence. In a way, that’s good, as it will bring you closer to Tabbitha. But in another way, it’s not so good, because Samantha is losing touch with her real life. I think part of the problem is that she’s not willing to trust the police force to do their jobs. She’s never trusted or liked the police force, and I’m not sure why. According to you, she’s always felt this way for as long as you can remember. It may date back to her mother’s disappearance. Who knows.

And your problem is that you’re caught between wanting to search with as much enthusiasm as Samantha, and wanting to have a life outside of that search. I think the solution to your problem lies with Sam. Try to get her to take some time away from the search. Tell her it’ll help clear her head, see things more clearly. Also, talk to this guy she’s dating, and see if he can help at all. Do what you can to help her, because if it continues, it could be taken to an unhealthy level. Also–and God forbid this ever happen–Samantha may have to someday face the reality that Tabbitha isn’t coming back. If that happens, she may find that she’s wasted a lot of time looking for something that wasn’t there at all, and I’m sure she doesn’t want that to happen.

Well, I hoped this helped some. Hope you can write me again soon. If not, don’t worry about it. I know how busy you are. Until next time.

Your friend,
@shley ;-)
~~~

TO: 13brainyblonde07, 13ditz07
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: April 1, 2005
SUBJECT: Two more drivers on the road! Uh-oh . . .

Kris and Jessie,

Well, two more of the group have reached Sweet Sixteen. I was going to send you separate birthday letters, but seeing as how your birthdays are within a day of each other, there didn’t seem to be a lot of sense in that, since I was pretty much going to write you both the same letter. So anyway, Happy Birthday to both of you! Hope it was a good one.

Things are getting pretty busy around here. Our school play goes up in a month, and all of the actors are supposed to be off-book. Which means I need to be there to feed lines to the actors. It seems like I’m doing that a lot, but I think the show’s coming together. How are things going back there?

Hey Kris, I’ve been reading the school papers you’ve been sending, and your editorials are great! I love your writing. How’s that story you’re working on? I haven’t heard much about it.
And Jessie, what’s this I hear about you going to prom? Who’s this guy you’ve been seeing for the last two months that I haven’t heard about? C’mon, I want details!

That’s all for now. Write me when you can, and Happy Birthday again!

Your favorite bully,
*A$hley*
~~~

DATE: April 6, 2005
MESSAGE FROM: 13strawberryfreckles
13strawberryfreckles: Hey.
13bbgsmolding: Hey, Sam. What’s up?
13strawberryfreckles: Not much. I just saw you were online, so I thought I’d send a message. I sorta need another voice to talk to. You’re not doing anything important, are you?
13bbgsmolding: Just research for a paper. I can do that anytime. How’s it going?
13strawberryfreckles: Not good.
13bbgsmolding: How come?
13strawberryfreckles: Oh, lots of things. I’m just in this really bad funk right now.
13bbgsmolding: I know how that is. Do you wanna talk about it?
13strawberryfreckles: Kinda. But . . . I’m just not in the mood.
13bbgsmolding: Does this have anything to do with the search?
13strawberryfreckles: Yep.
13bbgsmolding: Things aren’t going well?
13strawberryfreckles: It’s falling apart on me. I feel like I’m losing control. And I feel like if I lose control, I’ll lose Tabbitha.
13bbgsmolding: I know.
13strawberryfreckles: The thing is, I know she’s out there somewhere. She’s still alive. If I didn’t think that, I wouldn’t be looking for her.
13bbgsmolding: And the others?
13strawberryfreckles: They know it too. But that doesn’t make things any easier. We can’t tell where she is.
13strawberryfreckles: I feel like we’ve hit a dead end.
13bbgsmolding: What’s happened, Sam? Something must have to make you feel this way.
13strawberryfreckles: Well, I guess it started with Susan. She had been telling me to take a break from the search. She said I had been working too hard.
13bbgsmolding: That’s partially my doing, you know. I gave her some advice.
13strawberryfreckles: I know, she told me. And the others had been telling me the same thing, including my boyfriend. So I finally caved in, and went on a date with Tim. A real date, not a "let’s go look for Tab" date.
13bbgsmolding: I’ve been meaning to ask you about this Tim guy.
13strawberryfreckles: Tim’s been helping with the search a lot. The reason why is kind of complicated, so I won’t go into it. His brother disappeared about four years ago, so he has and idea what I'm going through, which was helpful. After a while, we started dating. With kind of weird circumstances. But he’s a nice guy.
13bbgsmolding: Okay. So what happened?
13strawberryfreckles: We spent the day together, up at the lake, and we really had a good time. For a whole day, I forgot about looking for Tabbitha. It was the happiest I’d been in months.
13bbgsmolding: That’s great! So what’s the problem?
13strawberryfreckles: Something happened while I was away. Did you ever know Mr. Wyse? 13bbgsmolding: Um . . . wasn’t he one of the teachers?
13strawberryfreckles: He was a sub. He retired a few years ago. Anyway, he was a friend of Tab’s, and he had been helpful in the search. Really helpful. He was kind of the voice of reason in the group, but he also kept everyone going when things looked bad. I guess they figured that if the old man could do it, so could they.
13bbgsmolding: What happened to him?
13strawberryfreckles: Disappeared.
13strawberryfreckles: Just like Tab. Susan said she went to his house one morning, and he was gone. But his car was still in the garage.
13bbgsmolding: Wow.
13strawberrfreckles: When Susan told me . . . I felt guilty.
13bbgsmolding: You felt responsible because you left.
13strawberryfreckles: Exactly. I never should have left at all.
13bbgsmolding: There was no way you could have prevented it.
13strawberryfreckles: You don’t know that! Maybe he drifted off somewhere, and if I had been there, I could have stopped him.
13bbgsmolding: He’s a grown man. He can take care of himself. You don’t have to feel responsible for him. It’s not your fault.
13strawberryfreckles: I never should have left.
13bbgsmolding: Listen to yourself, Sam!
13bbgsmolding: You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing. You said yourself that the day you took off from the search was the happiest you had had. That’s good! That’s how it should be! You can’t let this search become your whole life. The search is important, yes. But so is your happiness. And I’m sure that Tabbitha would agree.
13strawberryfreckles: What about Mr. Wyse?
13bbgsmolding: His disappearance was incidental. You’re no more responsible for his disappearance than you are for Tab’s.
13bbgsmolding: Sam?
13bbgsmolding: You still there?
13strawberryfreckles: I’ve gotta go.
13bbgsmolding: All right. Are you feeling any better?
13strawberryfreckles signed off at 11:01.16 PM EST.
13bbgsmolding signed off at 11:01.35 PM EST.

~~~

TO: 13bbgkale
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: April 6, 2005
SUBJECT: Samantha

Susan,

I’m worried about Sam. I was chatting with her a few minutes ago. She was talking about what happened to that one searcher. She felt bad about it, and I was trying to cheer her up. I think I was succeeding, but then she abruptly cut off, and I don’t know why. I think I may have inadvertently made matters worse. Anyway, could you find out what I did so I can rectify myself? It would make me feel a lot better, and it would be good for Sam too. Thanks a lot!

Ashley

~~~

TO: 13ditz07
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: April 13, 2005
SUBJECT: Blacks, Jews, and other "scum"

Kris,

Wow. That’s gotta be rough. Being both a Jew and an orphan, I understand what unfair discrimination is like. All too well. I can’t count the number of times people have shunned me, intentionally or otherwise, because I was orphaned. And those that don’t care about that are offended by my religion.

There are some jerks that think that blacks like you, Jews like me, and other "scum" that are different, are inferior to them. Supposedly, we eliminated that sort of discrimination in the 60's. But it still exists. And it wouldn’t bother me if it only existed in the secret recesses of people’s mind. Hell, I sometimes discriminate against some people, unconsciously of course. But that kind of crap shouldn’t exist outside the mind. And this guy who did that to you is showing to the world just what a jackass he is.

Let me make sure I get the situation. You’re on the track, doing the 1600. You win the race, barely beating one of the girls on the other team. You feeling pretty good about it, until this guy in the crowd starts yelling how the "black bitch" must have cheated, never mind the fact that it’s kinda hard to cheat on an official race, and starts calling you all kinds of names and so on, saying that you don’t belong in the race, or even in the school. He apparently is the father of the second-place runner, (who, I was glad to hear, was very embarrassed at her father’s behavior, and apologized later,) and his daughter has had a succession of first place runs, which you just broke, and he can’t stand that his daughter got beat by anyone, and his bigotry becomes apparent. Since you have dark skin, you’re an easy target for him.

So, why do people do that? Well, there are some people who believe we never should have outlawed racial discrimination, or for that matter, any kind of discrimination. For some people, the hatred against other races is so deep, half the time, they don’t even know where it comes from. If you were to walk up to that man and ask him why he hates blacks so much, I would bet you anything that he’d be at a loss for words. Failing in that, he’d feed you some stereotype, like how all blacks are delinquents or whatever. That’s what most of the discrimination against orphans and foster children is fed by; rumors and stereotypes.

I guess my point is, it’s not worth worrying about too much. That guy’s a jerk, you don’t even know him, and you’ve got plenty of friends who don’t even think about what you look like. As for others who do that, they’re jerks too, and the best thing to do is pretend they don’t exist. They’re not going to hurt you; it’s just words, and they don’t mean anything. If it makes you feel any better, that’s harder for me to do when people get on my case about being a Jew. One of the girls in particular gives me an especially hard time about it, and because my religion was a conscious choice on my part, I sometimes wonder whether it was the right one. But you can’t help being born the way you were, so the crap isn’t worth listening to.
You’re a strong person. You’ll get through this.

That’s all for now. Say hi to the others for me. And see if you can cheer up Sam for me. She’s hit a slump, as I’m sure you know, and it’s partially my fault. Hope you can help her out. See you later!

Your fellow "scum,"
~~~Ashley~~~
~~~

TO: 13purplehair89
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: April 17, 2005
SUBJECT: Possible Problems

Amber,

Hey! Thanks for writing, and I’m glad things are going better for you and Amy. I knew you’d get settled in soon enough.

Things here have gone . . . well they’ve gone from great to just okay. The play I’m the prompter for opens in three weeks, so things are getting a little stressful as the technical aspects are added. And I’m finding myself giving lines to mainly one person: the character I’m the understudy for, who hates me, for some odd reason. So, that’s creating some tension. And, as the thespian veterans keep assuring me, nothing ever goes right at this stage of the rehearsals. So, we’ll see.

There’s one other thing, though. My foster parents have become a little more . . . distant. Maybe it’s just because they’re getting used to me, I don’t know. But they don’t talk to me like they used to. Everything’s shorter between us. I also tend to find it a little discouraging when I walk into a room, and the conversation suddenly stops. I may talk to them later, just to see what’s going on. I hope there’s no problem; I really don’t want to lose this family.

Other than that, things are going pretty good. My dancing is really improving, and none of my friends have started withdrawing from me like my caretakers have. The opposite, in fact. I had someone ask me out the other day. It was one of the stage crew that I’ve gotten to know pretty well. I said yes, but I’m not sure if anything’ll come of it. We’ll see. Hope everything keeps going well with you. Say hi to Amy for me.

Your friend,
^^^Ashley!!!
~~~

DATE: April 20, 2005
MESSAGE FROM: 13bbgkale

13bbgkale: Sam’s gonna give up the search.
Auto Response from 13bbgsmolding: Doing fun homework. Distract me, PLEASE!
13bbgsmolding: What?
13bbgsmolding returned at 09:29.37 PM EST
13bbgkale: She just called me. She said she was considering giving everything up.
13bbgsmolding: Wait a second, Susan. Back up, and start from the beginning.
13bbgkale: Okay. Remember about two weeks ago when you wrote me, telling me to check up on Sam?
13bbgsmolding: Yeah.
13bbgkale: I read the letter at about 11:30 that night, so I called Sam, figuring she’d still be up. 13bbgkale: She answered. I could tell she had been crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was still upset about Mr. Wyse disappearing. Did she tell you about that?
13bbgsmolding: Yeah.
13bbgkale: Well, I mentioned that you had just written me, and were worried about her. She said she had just gotten done talking to you, but she didn’t seem very upset about it.
13bbgsmolding: Did she say why she cut off?
13bbgkale: She said her dad was calling her.
13bbgsmolding: Okay. So what’s the problem?
13bbgkale: Well, I kept an eye on her for the next few days. She seemed different. Depressed. She wasn’t as into the search as she had been.
13bbgsmolding: That’s how she was when she wrote me. She says she felt responsible for Mr. Wyse’s disappearance.
13bbgkale: But you said you were bringing her out of that, and then she suddenly cut off. And she had definitely been crying when I called her. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t her dad that interrupted her.
13bbgsmolding: I agree. But that still doesn’t answer the question.
13bbgsmolding: Did she tell you why she was giving up?
13bbgkale: No. Just that she didn’t think there was any point in looking anymore.
13bbgsmolding: Well maybe we’d better start there. Can you find out what the problem is?
13bbgkale: Maybe with a little wheedling.
13bbgsmolding: Work on her. In the meantime, I’ll work on this end.
13bbgkale: What are you going to do?
13bbgsmolding: I’ll get her to keep the search going. You try to figure out what her problem is.
13bbgkale: All right, I’ll try. Thanks a lot for helping.
13bbgsmolding: No problem. See ya.
13bbgkale: See ya.
13bbgkale signed off at 09:36.58 PM EST.
13bbgsmolding signed off at 09:37.01 PM EST.

~~~

TO: 13strawberryfreckles
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: April 20, 2005
SUBJECT: Keep fighting!

Sam,

Susan wrote me. She said you’re thinking about giving up the search. Don’t.

I still don’t understand what happened when we talked last, and I think I’m partially to blame. I really didn’t mean anything, whatever I did. I hope it wasn’t me that persuaded you to give up this search, because that’s the last thing I would ever want to do.

Tabbitha might not be found, and I think you’re starting to realize that. But if you give this up, there is no way she’ll be found. So, keep fighting!

Your friend,
***Ashley***
~~~

TO: 13mkasnub
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: April 25, 2005
SUBJECT: Getting discouraged

Mandy,

Hi. Just got your letter and I figured I’d better write back right away. I can’t believe your mother is taking this so seriously. Be aware, you may not like the advice I have to give, but it’s what I would do in this case.

In my opinion, when a parent goes so far as to say she’ll disown you if you continue on your path, especially when it’s something you want to do, and something as harmless as education, she’s crossed the line. It’s time to stop being nice, and lay down the law: this is what I’m going to do, and if you’re going to pretend I don’t exist because of it, that’s your problem. I know, you don’t want to do this. But maybe if you do, your mother will back off. If not . . . well, you’ve still got your friends to fall back on. You know we’ll help.

If it makes you feel any better, my "family’s" not being very . . . family-like. They’re getting more and more distant, and I still can’t figure out why. But I don’t want to just come out and ask them what the problem is. I’m afraid of the answer.

Anyway, now it’s my turn for grievances. There’s been a sudden change of plans as far as the play goes. When I moved here, I was too late to audition, but I was allowed to work as one of the prompters, and the understudy to Kate, one of the characters. But there’s one problem. Kate doesn’t like me.

So relations between me and Gwen–that’s her real name–have been tense, to say the least. But we never actually had any huge problems. Until a couple of days ago. It was after an especially difficult rehearsal. Gwen’s been having trouble with her lines, so I’ve been prompting her a lot. But she seems to think that she doesn’t need a prompter. So a couple of nights ago, after rehearsal was over, we got into a pretty bad argument over it, which ended with her saying all sorts of horrible things about Jews and how I don’t belong in the play, and me standing there not really knowing what to say, because she’s caught me completely off guard with this sudden bigotry. Oh, I’d always known she had a problem with my religion, but I’d never thought she hated my for it.

The director broke us up, just as I was about ready to beat this girl, and took Gwen aside to talk to her. He later got my side of the story too. The next day, he pulled me aside and told me that Gwen had decided to leave the play, and that he wanted me to play Kate. I accepted of course, because I made the commitment as the understudy. But I wanted to know why Gwen had left the play. The director told me simply that he had given her a choice: get along with Ashley, or drop the role. I suspect there was more, but he wasn’t going to say anything, and I wasn’t going to push.

Gwen has resorted to giving me the cold shoulder treatment, which suits me just fine. But I don’t think this is done yet. Gwen’s holding a grudge, and I know she’s gonna act on it. It’s just a matter of when and how. But I’ve got more important things to worry about. Like, memorizing this script in TWO WEEKS! And I’m playing the most complex character in the play! It’s one thing to memorize lines and blocking; I’m the prompter, so I’m halfway there already. Developing the character is another matter. Kate’s the one taking care of everybody, so I have to be the overworked mother, who has a growing chip on her shoulder which she is trying to hide, a family overseas to worry about as Hitler takes over, and a past she’s trying to forget.

Sounds a lot like me, doesn’t it?

Well, that’s all for now. Wish me luck on this thing, and good luck with your mom. I really hope she opens her mind a little bit, and lets you pursue your dreams without harassment.

Your overworked friend, with the growing chip on her shoulder, a non-existent family to worry about, and a past she’s trying to forget,
Ashley
~~~

TO: 13happygirl89
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: April 25, 2005
SUBJECT: Heard you were down . . .

Amy,

Amber tells me you’re in a bad mood. I know, I know, it happens to everyone. Even hopeless optimists. Every so often, for no reason at all, you feel like crap. Well, in that situation, I can’t think of anything better than a funny story to cheer you up.

All right. Let me tell you about the worst rehearsal ever. Just in case you’re not aware, we’re performing Brighton Beach Memoirs, and up until recently, I was the prompter. I’m now playing Kate, but this rehearsal was before any of that mess happened, so I was the prompter. Here’s what happened. In the first scene, Eugene, the main character who is writing the memoirs, is playing pretend baseball in the yard by throwing a baseball up against the wall. So we’ve got our Eugene throwing baseball off into the wings against a piece of wood that makes a loud noise that’s supposed to irritate the daylights out of his family inside. Problem is, Eugene keeps missing the wood. So we get nothing except laughter and, more recently, groans from the gang backstage. Usually he just hits the back wall of the wing. This time, however–you’ve probably guessed already–he managed to hit a person. The stage manager, no less. Right in the head. Fortunately for him, our Eugene doesn’t have a very good arm, so he just had a minor concussion with minimal memory loss, and was only in the emergency room for a couple of weeks. That, at least, was my fear when I saw him get hit. Naturally, I was the first to his side, having dealt with another head injury once before, but he was fine, and we got a good laugh out of it. Later, of course. Eugene hasn’t missed the wood since then, oddly enough. Knock wood.

But don’t think that was the end of our disasters. Nora, Eugene’s cousin who he lusts after, is supposed to bounce into the house, bursting with some incredible news. Our Nora bounced all right . . . right after tripping over her own feet as she came in the door.

And then there’s Kate. Now to be fair, Kate has some very difficult blocking, because she’s the overworked mother taking care of six people. She’s always doing something, usually at the table, setting it or clearing it depending on whether a meal is beginning or finishing. It’s easy to get things mixed up sometimes. So it’s perfectly understandable that the entire family came and sat down to dinner–only to find that Mom had just cleared the table. Oops.

And let’s not forget Stanley, Eugene’s older brother. At one point, he’s supposed to light up a cigarette and start smoking it. He was working with this prop for the first time during this rehearsal. He pulled out a cigarette, put it in his mouth, and pulled out the matches, at the same time doing his dialogue with Eugene. He strikes the match. Nothing. He strikes it again. Still nothing. He struck it maybe about fifty or sixty times before the thing lit up, by which time he had given up trying to stay in character and say his lines. He lit the cigarette . . . and immediately went into a coughing fit, which delayed the progress of the show even more, and led the director to conclude that maybe realism wasn’t always a good thing . . . though I think Stanley is still using the cigarettes.

And of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Jack’s screw-up. Jack is the father. At this point in the play, the tension between Kate and Blanche, the two sisters, has just broken, and Jack is bringing the two to their senses. At one point, he’s supposed to name the kids in the house. "Stanley and Eugene, Nora and Laurie." However, Jack forgot his son’s name, so that what came out was, "Stanley and . . . and . . . THAT KID!" Rehearsal was halted for a good five minutes before order was restored, at which point, Jack promptly named the other two kids, Lora and Naurie, which sent the cast and crew into further laughter.

These are just the highlights. The rehearsal was a fiasco. Fortunately though, it was just a rehearsal, and we’ve still got another two weeks to go. Things are going much better. Except for the fact that I just got thrust into the role of Kate. But that’s another story.

Well Amy, I hope this helped cheer you up. If not . . . well, you’ll get through this. If anyone can get over depression, it’s a hopeless optimist. Until you need cheering again, my friend.

Your favorite bully,
:-)Ashley(-:
~~~

TO: 13lilpunk24
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: May 7, 2005
SUBJECT: Life sucks

Libby,

I guess knew it would happen eventually. I just didn’t think it would be this soon.

It’s opening night for Brighton Beach Memoirs, and I have been forbidden to play the role of Kate. Well, okay. Technically, I haven’t been forbidden. I’m just unable to make it. Because I’ll be on my way to a foster home to be reassigned to another family.

Here’s the story as I understand it. A couple of weeks ago, I got into an argument with Gwen, the girl playing Kate, which resulted in her quitting the play, probably through some persuasion from the director. I got her part, because I’m her understudy. A few days later, the director called me over. He said that I could expect trouble from Gwen and her parents, particularly her mother. He said that, after hearing all the insults she had about Jews, he decided that she really didn’t fit into a play about a Jewish family just before World War Two, and that since I’m Jewish, I would understand the part better. But naturally, Gwen and her family misunderstood.

Rehearsals improved, and I worked hard to learn the role. But meanwhile, Gwen and her mother were working on another project: getting rid of me. After failing with the director to get Gwen’s part back, as well as the principal and the superintendent, Gwen’s mother decided to strike somewhere else, namely my "parents."

She asked them if they knew I was Jewish, or whether she knew the circumstances of my getting Gwen’s part. Of course, no one except Gwen and the director knew the full circumstances, and Gwen had the delusion that I had somehow weaseled my way into the part. Anyway, my "parents" knew this lady and her daughter, and didn’t like her much. They didn’t really believe her accusations, although her words had enough impact to give them cause to "look into" the situation.

Now, by look into, I don’t mean asking me directly for my version of what happened, or even calling the director or other people for another side of the story. "Looking into" the situation meant going through my personal items, including all my out going and incoming e-mails. They didn’t find much to interest them, except for an e-mail I wrote to Kris about bigotry. They seemed to think that my feeling about bigots may have influenced my decision to get Gwen out of the play. Or rather, Gwen’s mother thought that. They brought the letter to her to get her opinion. Can you believe that? They went to Gwen’s mother before coming to me!
Anyway, they just sprung this on me today. They’ve decided to send me back to foster care, because of all this. They also say I’ve made "unreasonable requests" of them, which include school fees, and money for my dance and karate classes, which are already half paid back to them. In other words, they couldn’t give me a single good reason for shipping me out, except that Gwen’s mother said they should. They weren’t even nice enough to let me perform in the play. Who else are they going to get on opening night? The only other who can even try to fake her way through the role is Gwen, and I know the director isn’t going to let her back in after she quit. People are counting on me to do this role, and I can’t because of my stupid foster parents, and the bitch and the bitch’s mother! Dammit, I hate my life!!

Sorry. I just can’t believe this is happening. I don’t mind so much that I’m leaving, or even that I’m leaving a place I really like. I’m used to that. But I’m leaving because of closed-minded people who are to afraid of someone who’s a little different. And it’s not even noticeable! You can’t tell I’m Jewish unless I tell you, or unless I’m celebrating a Jewish holiday. It’s stupid.

I just decided. I’m not gonna put up with this. I am going to be in that play. I’m not gonna let this play go bad because of my jackass foster parents. There are two performances of this thing, and I’m gonna be at both of them. Even if it means not coming home between them. No, not home. This isn’t my home anymore. It’s just another place.

I’d better get going, Lib. Call is in ten minutes, and I’ve got a four mile walk ahead, unless I can get a ride. Hope everything’s going well back there. Write me when you can, though I don’t know when I’ll be able to write again. Tell the others I said hi.

Your runaway friend,
Ashley
~~~

DATE: May 15, 2005
MESSAGE FROM: 13brainyblonde07
13brainyblonde07: Ashley?
Auto Response from 13 bbgsmolding: Life sucks. Don’t bother me.
13brainyblonde: Ashley, I know you’re there.
13brainyblonde: I want to talk to you.
13bbgsmolding: Hey.
13bbgsmolding returned at 2:15.40 AM EST.
13brainyblonde07: How’s it going?
13bbgsmolding: Sucky.
13brainyblonde07: We’ve been worried about you. Is everything all right?
13bbgsmolding: No.
13brainyblonde07: Libby told us what you wrote her last week.
13brainyblonde07: How’d the play go?
13bbgsmolding: Fine.
13brainyblonde07: Am I going to get one word answers for this whole conversation, or are you going to talk to me?
13bbgsmolding: I’m not really in the mood to talk Jess. Sorry.
13brainyblonde07: Ashley, you left us all worried about you. What happened?
13bbgsmolding: Nothing. Just leave me alone.
13brainyblonde07: Ashley, I was forced to move from a place I loved too. You can talk to me!
13brainyblonde07: Quit being so damned stubborn!
13bbgsmolding: Fine. What do you want to know?
13brainyblonde07: Are you talking to get rid of me, or are you talking because you want to talk?
13bbgsmolding: What difference does it make?
13brainyblonde07: I don’t want you to feel like you’re being forced to talk.
13bbgsmolding: I said I wanted to talk, didn’t I? You’re getting me to talk! What more do you want?
13bbgsmolding: Dammit, I’m crying.
13brainyblonde07: What happened to you, Ash?
13bbgsmolding: I got moved, that’s what.
13brainyblonde07: Where are you now?
13bbgsmolding: California, somewhere. I don’t know. I’m with some drunk who needs the money and is willing to put up with me.
13bbgsmolding: I can’t believe they shipped me to this jerk for my own good.
13brainyblonde07: Last we heard, you were about to become a runaway thespian.
13bbgsmolding: I did, for a while.
13bbgsmolding: After I sent Libby the letter, I called my boyfriend, the stage manager. I asked him to pick me up somewhere outside of town in about ten minutes. Then, I packed a few things and climbed out the bedroom window, careful not to let anyone see me. My boyfriend picked me up, and we went to the school for the call.
13brainyblonde07: Okay.
13bbgsmolding: Once I got to the school, I forgot all about me running away. I was focused on the play. The play went great. I managed to get through it without screwing up too badly. I was feeling pretty good. Everyone told me I had done a great job.
13brainyblonde07: I’m glad it went well. Kris was praying for you.
13bbgsmolding: Well, it worked, at least as far as the play went.
13brainyblonde07: What did you do afterwards? I’m assuming you didn’t go home.
13bbgsmolding: I didn’t have a home. I still don’t.
13bbgsmolding: The gang went out to eat after the play was over. I debated whether or not to go, and finally decided to risk it. I knew this may well be the last time I’d get to spend with these guys.
13bbgsmolding: Afterwards, my boyfriend took my back to the school, where I would be spending the night. I thought I’d have to spend it alone. But my boyfriend stayed with me.
13brainyblonde07: That was nice of him.
13bbgsmolding: He was a great guy. I really miss him.
13bbgsmolding: I stayed at the school all day the next day. There were people coming in and out, for the track meet that afternoon. A few of them said that there were people out looking for me, so I knew the school wouldn’t be safe for much longer. But I had to do the final night of performance.
13brainyblonde07: You’re committed, if nothing else.
13bbgsmolding: To this, I had to be.
13bbgsmolding: Anyway, I went to the track meet, inconspicuously of course. And that night, I went for my call. The play went even better this night than the night before. This time, however, my foster parents were there. As was Gwen’s mother. There was a small disturbance in the audience at the beginning of the play, which I’m sure was Gwen’s mother seeing me and getting ready to jump up on stage to get me off, and the director stopping her.
13brainyblonde07: You’re jumping to conclusions a little, aren’t you?
13bbgsmolding: This woman doesn’t deserve any consideration!
13bbgsmolding: At intermission, she came into the green room, and very frankly told me that if she saw me on stage in the second act, she would personally get on stage, and stop the play. And I, in turn, very frankly told her that if she set foot on the that stage, she would escorted out of the auditorium by the stage manager and the director, and the play would continue, regardless, everyone wondering why that crazy woman had tried to stop the play. It worked; nothing out of the ordinary happened.
13brainyblonde07: That woman must be crazy.
13bbgsmolding: Most likely.
13brainyblonde07: So, what about after the show?
13bbgsmolding: That’s when hell took over. My foster parents came and told me I did a great job and that they were proud of me. The subject of my moving didn’t even come up until Gwen’s mother came and very rudely brought it up by saying my performance was appalling and that she was glad that I was moving. My parents, and the cast and crew of the play, defended me.
13bbgsmolding: When all is said and done, I don’t think my parents really wanted me gone. But there was just too much grief coming from Gwen’s mother, and they felt that the best way to handle that was to give her what she wanted. Not what I would’ve done.
13brainyblonde07: No. You would’ve spit in her face.
13bbgsmolding: Touche. Not that she wouldn’t have deserved it.
13bbgsmolding: I knew I was leaving. So I said my goodbyes right there. It was a good ten minutes before I left, and everyone, including me, was crying. I arrived home to find a woman from foster care already there. Along with, surprise, surprise, the bitch.
13bbgsmolding: She had gotten her story already, of how I had deceived everyone, took a role that was not rightfully mine, and was the biggest troublemaker she had every met. My foster mother told her to get out, and never set foot in her house again.
13brainyblonde07: Good for her.
13bbgsmolding: Yeah, great. It would have been nice if she had said that to the foster lady too.
13bbgsmolding: Anyway, I packed, and left. And now I’m here. And it sucks. And I’m crying again.
13bbgsmolding: MY LIFE SUCKS!!!
13brainyblonde07: I’m sorry.
13bbgsmolding: I know you are. Everyone is. But there’s not a hell of a lot they can do about it.
13brainyblonde07: You’ve been shipped out of places you liked before, haven’t you?
13bbgsmolding: I was shipped out of this place because I’m Jewish.
13bbgsmolding: And I’m an orphan.
13brainyblonde07: I really am sorry Ashley. But I know you’ll get through this. You’ll be all right.
13brainyblonde07: Ash, you still there?
13brainyblonde07: Ashley?
13bbgsmolding signed off at 2:38.42 AM EST.
13brainyblonde07 signed off at 2:39.01 AM EST.

~~~

TO: 13bbgforrester
CC: 13bbgkale, 13brainyblonde07, 13ditz07, 13happygirl89, 13lilpunk24, 13mkasnub, 13pcjones, 13purplehair89, 13redheadhottie07, 13shyoung, 13strawberryfreckles.
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: July 2, 2005
SUBJECT: Sorry for the delay

Dear Gang,

Hey. Yes, I am still alive! I know I haven’t written for a while, and that I’ve missed a few birthdays. Happy Sweet Sixteen to Amy, Amber, and Mandy. Just thought I’d let you all know where I’m at now. I’ve been moved around several times in the last two months, and now I’m in Oklahoma somewhere. Nothing as far as the eye can see, but it’s a really pretty nothing.
Thanks for the all the e-mails. I hope everything’s going well back there. That’s all for now.

Your
~~~

DATE: July 2, 2005
MESSAGE FROM: 13lilpunk24
13lilpunk24: Hey stranger.
Auto Response from 13bbgsmolding: Writing a long anticipated letter.
13lilpunk24: Ashley?
13bbgsmolding: Hey Lib.
13lilpunk24: You haven’t written for a long time.
13bbgsmolding: I know. I was just sending a letter to the gang.
13lilpunk24: You all right now?
13bbgsmolding: Sort of.
13bbgsmolding: Not really.
13lilpunk24: You wanna talk about it?
13bbgsmolding: No. But I know that if I don’t, you’ll just wheedle me until I do, so I may as well go ahead and talk about it.
13bbgsmolding: Did Jessie tell you what happened?
13lilpunk24: Yeah.
13lilpunk24: I’d like to say I’m sorry, but I know how much you hate that. I really wish there was some way I could help.
13bbgsmolding: In all honesty, Lib, I’ve been wanting to talk to someone ever since it happened.
13bbgsmolding: I’m starting to slip back into my old habits again, scaring people off before I get to know them.
13lilpunk24: Why?
13bbgsmolding: I don’t know. Maybe I’m just afraid of it all happening again.
13lilpunk24: You don’t want to get hurt again.
13bbgsmolding: Right.
13lilpunk24: You’re afraid that if you open up and try to be friends with someone again, someone else is going to resent it and try to get rid of you.
13bbgsmolding: That sounds about right.
13lilpunk24: So you think becoming the loner again will keep you from getting hurt.
13lilpunk24: Ashley, you were never happy as the loner. I know that for a fact. You may have thought so, but you were only digging yourself in deeper the whole time. You’ve come a long way in the past three years, Ashley. Don’t start digging again.
13bbgsmolding: I guess what I really want is someone to talk to. Really talk, face to face. Not just with words on a moniter.
13bbgsmolding: I just feel so alone.
13lilpunk24: What can I do, punk? Talk to me.
13bbgsmolding: I don’t know, Lib. I just don’t know.
13bbgsmolding signed off at 11:23.26 PM EST.
13lilpunk24 signed off at 11:23.35 PM EST.

~~~

DATE: July 13, 2005
MESSAGE FROM: 13lilpunk24
13lilpunk24: Hey.

Auto Response from 13bbbsmolding: If you have something to say, raise your hand . . . and place it over your mouth.
13bbgsmolding: Hi Libby.

13bbgsmolding returned at 11:01.51 PM EST.
13lilpunk24: I’ve got a chat room going. I’d really like you to join.
13bbgsmolding: I don’t really feel like it, Lib.
13lilpunk24: C’mon. Just for a little bit. You don’t even have to write anything. Just read.
13bbgsmolding: All right. For a bit.
13lilpunk24: Great! I’ll be waiting for you.

~~~

DATE: July 13, 2005
PRESENT: 13bbgkale, 13bbgsmolding, 13brainyblonde07, 13ditz07, 13happygirl89, 13lilpunk24, 13mkasnub, 13purplehair89, 13 redheadhottie07, 13shyoung, 13strawberryfreckles.
13lilpunk24: She’s here.
13strawberryfreckles: Great. Let’s get started.
13strawberryfreckles: Ashley, we’re gonna cheer you up.
13bbgsmolding: What?
13strawberryfreckles: Libby said you were feeling down, so we’re gonna help you feel better.
13bbgsmolding: All of you?
13strawberryfreckles: Yes. Sans Tab.
13bbgsmolding: Libby?
13lilpunk24: Yo?
13bbgsmolding: Remind me to kill you later.
13lilpunk24: It was Amy’s idea.
13happygirl89: Oh sure, pass the buck.
13bbgkale: This chat room is for you, Ashley. We felt the need to get you back to your old self.
13lilpunk24: That is, your old self, after meeting us.
13bbgsmolding: You can try, but I don’t think it’ll work.
13purplehair89: That’s what I tried to tell Amy.
13happygirl89: That’s what you always tell me when I have an idea.
13bbgsmolding: So, what do you plan to do to cheer me up?
13strawberryfreckles: You’ll see.
13bbgkale: Don’t be satisfied with that, "We’ll wait and see," crap they’ll try to feed you. Don’t be satisfied until you get an unconditional "Yes, we’ll help," from them.
13bbgsmolding: That sounds like something I would say.
13bbgkale: That is something you said. When you helping us with Tabbitha’s search.
13shyoung: I think that, with or without Peter, you’ll be a wonderful person to be around. You’re strong enough not to regress back to your old self.
13shyoung: You said that to me when I was depressed about Peter moving. And later, you said 13shyoung: Trust me, you can make it.
13mkasnub: It’s time to stop being nice, and lay down the law: this is what I’m going to do, and if you’re going to pretend I don’t exist because of it, that’s your problem. I know, you don’t want to do this. But maybe if you do, your mother will back off. If not . . . well, you’ve still got your friends to fall back on. You know we’ll help.
13mkasnub: I knew you were including yourself when you said that. You gave me the courage to stand up to my mother.
13happygirl89: This time, however–you’ve probably guessed already–he managed to hit a person. The stage manager, no less. Right in the head. Fortunately for him, our Eugene doesn’t have a very good arm, so he just had a minor concussion with minimal memory loss, and was only in the emergency room for a couple of weeks.
13happygirl89: That made me laugh. And really helped me out of my slump. I’m hoping to return the favor now.
13mkasnub: And you wrote that the same day you wrote me about how discouraged you were getting.
13purplehair89: Rest assured that you won’t lose touch with your friends, for the same reason you’ll miss them so much.
13purplehair89: When Amy and I were feeling bad about our move, you helped us, simply by being a faraway friend who understood.
13ditz07: For some people, the hatred against other races is so deep, half the time, they don’t even know where it comes from . . . As for others who do that, they’re jerks too, and the best thing to do is pretend they don’t exist . . . You’re a strong person. You’ll get through this.
13ditz07: It was that last one that helped more than anything. It was just good to know that there was someone who understood.
13redheadhottie07: Don’t let anyone make you think you’re a slut. You’re not. I know sluts. You’re just a girl who wants to get to know people.
13redheadhottie07: You wrote that when I started high school and got a lot of crap from the upperclassmen. It made me feel like I didn’t have to believe it.
13brainyblonde07: Anytime you need someone to confide in, cry with, or just swap moving horror stories between, you know where to find me. Right here in the void.
13brainyblonde07: Little things like that made me feel like someone really cared when I was all alone.
13lilpunk24: I can’t really give you any advice, except that if you like him, by all means ask him out. I mean, even if it doesn’t work out, it’s just a high school relationship, right?
13lilpunk24: It worked out. It’s still working out. I hope it always works out.
13strawberryfreckles: You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing. You said yourself that the day you took off from the search was the happiest you had had. That’s good! That’s how it should be! You can’t let this search become your whole life. The search is important, yes. But so is your happiness. And I’m sure that Tabbitha would agree.
13strawberryfreckles: Everytime I felt gulity about taking a break the search, I thought about that.
13strawberryfreckles: Tabbitha might not be found, and I think you’re starting to realize that. But if you give this up, there is no way she’ll be found. So, keep fighting!
13bbgkale: That one’s for Tabbitha.
13strawberryfreckles: The point is that you helped all of us, in some way. Even when you weren’t here. Even when you were facing hell three times over, you took the time to comfort us, listen to us, and provide advice for our comparitively petty problems.
13strawberryfreckles: Now we’re returning the favor.
13strawberryfreckles: Ashley?
13bbgsmolding: You actually kept all this stuff?
13bbgkale: Well, we just never got around to deleting it.
13shyoung: We’re lazy like that.
13bbgsmolding: Wow. I can’t believe it.
13ditz07: You once told me not to let others get me down with bigoted comments or actions.
13strawberryfreckles: You’re a good person, Ashley. If anyone doesn’t think so, they’re wrong. It’s not an opinion to us. It’s an absolute fact.
13bbgkale: And don’t let anyone tell you differently.
13bbgsmolding: You guys are really something.
13brainyblonde07: We know. :-)
13happygirl89: Are you cheered up?
13bbgsmolding: I think I’m getting there. You guys have definitely pushed me in the right direction.
13lilpunk24: But?
13bbgsmolding: There’s one person not in this chat room that I still need to talk to.
13bbgsmolding: Thanks a lot guys. I’ll write again, sometime.
13bbgsmolding signed off at 11:56.03 PM EST.
13mkasnub: You think she’s all right?
13strawberryfreckles: I sure hope so.
13strawberryfreckles: It’s late. We should all get to bed.
13mkasnub: Good idea. Good night all.
13mkasnub signed off at 11:57.14 PM EST.
13strawberryfreckles: Thanks for the idea Amy.
13purplehair89 signed off at 11:57.53 PM EST.
13happygirl89: I just hope it worked is all.
13happygirl89: G’night.
13happygirl89 signed off at 11:58.36 PM EST.
13redheadhottie07 signed off at 11:56.37 PM EST.
13brainyblonde07: I sure hope she’s all right.
13lilpunk24: I’ve been so worried about her. She’s been one of my best friends for years.
13shyoung: It’s terrible what that girl did to her.
13lilpunk24: I know. If I ever get my hands on that little bitch . . .
13ditz07: This might seem like a dumb question, but who was she talking about?
13ditz07: When she said she was going to write to someone else?
13strawberryfreckles: The one member of our group who can’t be here.
13ditz07: Oh. Well, now I really feel dumb.
13ditz07: Nothing new there.
13brainyblonde07: I’d better get some sleep. Good night.
13ditz07: Good night.
13brainyblonde07 signed off at 12:00.09 AM EST.
13ditz07 signed off at 12:00.10 AM EST.
13bbgkale: You gonna be all right Lib?
13lilpunk24: I sure hope so. But I’m more worried about Ashley than me.
13strawberryfreckles: We all are. She’s gone through a lot, and she’s depressive.
13lilpunk24: That’s why I may not get any sleep tonight.
13bbgkale: Nothing to do now but wait.
13strawberryfreckles: We’ll see if Ashley writes anyone in the next few days. If not . . . well, we’ll worry about that if it happens.
13shyoung: I sure hope Tabbitha can help.
13strawberryfreckles: Me, too.
13bbgkale: Good night. Pray, and pray hard.
13bbgkale signed off at 12:03.15 AM EST.
13shyoung signed off at 12:03.16 AM EST.
13strawberryfreckles signed off at 12:03.17 AM EST.
13lilpunk24: God? It’s Libby. You probably don’t know me. ‘Cause I really don’t know you. I have this thing about reality, and you’re just too difficult for me to fully understand. I like understanding things. Anyway, if there is some entity up there . . . I really hope you can help my friend. I won’t make any promises to become a Christian or anything, ‘cause I wouldn’t be able to keep them. But if there’s someone out there who loves Ashley like I do, I know it’ll do anything in it’s power to help her. Please.
13lilpunk24 signed off at 12:14.37 AM EST.

~~~

TO: 13bbgforrester
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: July 14, 2005
SUBJECT: Into the void . . .

Tabbitha,

Hey! Sorry I haven’t written you in so long. It’s been . . . well, it’s been a bad couple of months for me. But I guess I shouldn’t complain, seeing as how you’ve been missing for almost a year. I don’t even know if you’ll get this letter, but it helps me to at least send something into the void, even if I don’t get a response. It’s kinda like that whole "pack up your troubles in your old kit bag" type thing. However, if you do get this letter, I’d appreciate any response you’d like to give me. Even if you just want to talk.

Anyway, you know how sometimes, you hear people talk about how their life is a roller coaster ride, full of sudden ups and downs? Well, much as I hate using that cliche, that’s been my life since . . . well since I left Samuel Springs, actually. I guess a roller coaster ride is better than the constant dive I had been experiencing before. Still, I’d give anything just to live a normal life. To be able to make friends that I could actually get to know well enough to really care about. To be able to live in one place so long that I know it backwards and forwards. Or even just to be able to sleep in my own bed. To have my own bed, I mean.

So many horrible things have happened since you disappeared. I was forced to leave a caretaker I had come to really care about. I had to leave a place I loved, and people I loved, because of a small circle of bigotry. I ran away from home, got taken back, and shipped out, with barely enough time to say goodbye to my friends. And I’ve been insulted, ridiculed, shunned, and pushed around by people the whole way, because of my status. A status I have no control over. I often cried myself to sleep.

But some wonderful things have happened too. I’ve seen lots of beautiful places. I’ve made some great friends. I even managed to keep a boyfriend for a month. And I’ve taken up an interest in dance, and, according to my old teacher, have been making great strides. No pun intended. I even starred in a school play. I often went to bed smiling.

Like I said, roller coaster. And through the whole ride, my friends was there.
A few minutes ago, I left a chat room, formed by them to make me feel better. They really outdid themselves, and I don’t even feel like I deserve it. I guess I’m lucky to have such friends. I’m glad you singled me out back in junior high. You may have, literally, saved my life.

Anyway, thanks for listening. This really helped me. Maybe . . . maybe . . . I can make it. I really hope you do get found soon. I know Sam and Susan and everyone are doing their best. Sam’s really working hard. I know you’ll get found someday.

The moon’s really pretty tonight. Our neighbor’s out stargazing. The sky’s beautiful when there’s no city lights around. Half a world away, people are starting a new day. The sun shines, the earth turns, the stars twinkle. Life goes on.

How’s that for waxing poetic?

Your friend,
Ashley
~~~

TO: 13redheadhottie07
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: July 15, 2005
SUBJECT: She finally made it! Sweet Sixteen!

Molly,

Wait a minute, wait a minute . . . I think I see something in the distance . . . It might be . . . yes! The dust is clearing . . . And there she is! In the final stretch! Miss Molly Malone crosses the finish line and joins the rest of the gang in reaching 16 YEARS OF AGE! Listen to that crowd cheer!

All right, enough of that silliness. Isn’t it fun being the youngest? Especially when you’re hearing from the oldest. ;-) (Actually, I'm the second oldest, but we don't count Sabrina. :-P) Hope your sweet sixteen was a good one. Hope whatever boyfriend you’ve got now didn’t forget. Smack him for me if he did. :-) Behave yourself on this birthday! I mean it! Don’t make me come back there!

Anyway, Happy Birthday. Tell the others I’m doing just fine, and not to worry if they don’t hear from me for a while. Until next time, birthday girl!

Your friend,
~~Ashley~~

PS-You realize, of course, that I’m turning SEVENTEEN in three weeks. Oh wait--I’m not supposed to mention that on your birthday. Never mind. >:-D

~~~

WOW! Thank you SO much for all the birthday cards/letters/messages! I’m glad you all remembered my birthday. I swear, I must have gotten a birthday card from everyone I ever met. My mailbox was so full! Imagine me coming home to find that I have 57 messages! Okay, so that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But still . . .

For those of you that asked me how I’m doing, I think I’m out of the depression now, thanks to all of you. Just so you know, I’ll be moving again soon, to Maine. I’ll get you details on that later, and we’ll see how it goes.

Anyway, that’s about all for now. I’ll write again as soon as I can. Thank you all, for everything.

Your much better adjusted friend,
!!!Ashley!!!

PS-Hey! I’m 17! Wow! I’m older than all of you! Ha Ha! Except Sabrina . . . but technically, she’s only four, so . . . :-D

~~~

TO: 13lilpunk24
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: August 27, 2005
SUBJECT: Welcome to Hillcrest!

Libby,

Well, here I am at yet another school that I have to tell you all about. School just started a few days ago. (I just realized. We graduate in two years! Wow! Two years! I feel old!) Anyway, just for you, I did a little digging, and found out about this school. It’s called Hillcrest, with good reason. It’s right on the crest of a hill. (Duh.) No, I didn’t have to dig to find out that. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking! Smart ass! Anyway, it’s really beautiful country up here. The mountains aren’t as big as in Colorado, but they’re still pretty good size for climbing. And lots of trees! I can’t wait for autumn; it’ll be breathtaking.

Athletics at this school aren’t bad. The football team is really good, and so is boy’s soccer. Also, there is virtually no rivalry between the girl’s soccer and volleyball teams. Because they both suck. (Sorry. You don’t have to tell Matt.) In winter, the basketball teams are half-decent, wrestling’s not bad, and they also have a really good hockey team that went to the state level last year and got third place. Spring sports may as well not be bothered with, except for track and softball, which have very good records.

As for the arts, I watched the school’s marching band perform at the first football game, and they were AMAZING! I’ve never seen a better together group; they looked and sounded great! This school is well-known for its musical programs, especially its choirs. It also has a very good theatre program and . . . gasp! shock! . . . an excellent dance program! YES! I’ve already signed up for the class, and I also auditioned for the school’s musical, West Side Story, yesterday. We’ll see how it goes.

As for the people here . . . they seem nice. But I’m afraid to get my hopes up again. I would like to stay here, and I’m told it’s a possibility. But then, so was Colorado. We’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.

And that’s Hillcrest High. And now, I’ve got homework, so I’d better be going. Tell the others hi for me. See ya, punk!

Your fellow punk,
@shley

PS-Just got a call from the director of West Side Story. I’m playing Anita! Anita! That’s like, a lead role! In West Side Story! I have to sing, dance, AND act! Really well! AAAUUGH! I’m terrfied now! ;-)

~~~

TO: 13bbgforrester
CC: 13bbgkale, 13brainyblonde07, 13ditz07, 13happygirl89, 13lilpunk24, 13mkasnub, 13purplehair89, 13redheadhottie07, 13shyoung, 13strawberryfreckles.
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: October 2, 2005
SUBJECT: Keep your fingers crossed!

Dear everyone,

Well, Gang, I just got back from the Sunday matinee of West Side Story. It went GREAT! Our audience has been steadily growing throughout the last three performances, and I’m hoping that trend will continue through next weekend’s shows. There was a little bit of a scare opening night, when Maria dropped the gun and it accidentally went off, but other than that, the show’s run went smoothly.
I’m really growing attached to this place, and I love my caretakers. It’s another young couple, with two children, Mike, 5 and Michaela, 3, both adorable and both brats. But I can deal with that. And now that I’m doing this play, the other kids at school and in the community seem to be warming up to me a little.

Anita is not an easy role to play, but then it’s no more difficult than Kate was. I’m really glad I was able to do this.

That’s all for now. Hope school’s going well for everyone. I’ll be sure to write you about next weekend’s performances. Until then.

Your favorite bully,
Ashley "Anita"
~~~

TO: 13bbgforrester
FROM: 13bbgsmolding
DATE: October 9, 2005
SUBJECT: Happy 17th!

Tabbitha,

It’s late, and I should be asleep now, but I wanted to wish you a Happy 17th birthday. 17 years. Wow. I hope, wherever you are, you’re having a good birthday.

West Side Story closed last evening. The closing night performance was amazing, if I do say so myself. :-) It was the best we’ve ever done it, and the audience loved it. I hate to leave such a great show, but it has to end sometime I suppose. It’s been a lot of fun, for working on a tragic play. The cast party ended about an hour ago. In a week, I’ll be preparing for the winter play.

I did a lot of thinking about Anita, my character, in this play. West Side Story is supposed to parallel Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, with Anita playing the role of Juliet’s nurse. In this play, Anita is the lover of Bernardo, the leader of the Puerto Rican-American gang, the sharks, who is also Maria’s (Juliet) brother. Anita is loyal to the Sharks, but Maria has fallen in love with Tony (Romeo), the best friend of Riff, the leader of the Jets, a gang who is the Sharks’ biggest rival. Anita knows about this illicit affair, and is torn between her loyalty to her lover, and to Maria and Tony and doing what’s right.

Got all that? Good. There’s more.

Maria is the girlfriend, publicly, of Bernardo’s friend Chino. When Chino learns of the affair between Tony and Maria, he takes a gun and starts looking for Tony. Anita attempts to warn Tony, but is intercepted by the rest of the Jets, who think she is trying to help Chino get Tony. Now at this point, both gangs are running around scared, because their leaders have been accidentally killed in what was supposed to be a fist fight, that exploded out of control. The conflict between the Jets and the Sharks stems from bigotry. The American Jets don’t like the idea of the Hispanic Sharks moving in on their territory. Anyway, Anita is intercepted by the Jets who harass her with racial slurs and taunts, physically abuse her, and attempt to gang rape her before they are stopped.

As I was playing the part of Anita, I was reminded of myself. I was the victim of bigotry and fear. when I really didn’t do anything. Nothing like a gang rape resulted from it, but I was still hurt by it. And everytime I think about that connection, I think about what Anita said to the Jets as she left.

"If one of you was lying in the streets, bleeding, I would walk by and spit on you!!"

She then proceeds to tell the Jets that Maria has been shot and killed by Chino, which is an outright lie, and when Tony hears it, he goes out and gets killed, dying in Maria’s arms. Thus, the tragedy. And I can’t help thinking that, Anita will probably never forgive the Jets for what they did. And I wonder whether, if she asked for it, I would ever forgive Gwen or her mother for what they did.

And the answer is, I don’t know.

Anyway, the play went well. Thanks for listening again. Good luck getting found, and have a happy birthday.

Your friend,
Ashley

1 Comments:

nonentity said...: Yeah, it is pretty long, isn't it? The chapter I'm in the middle of is even longer . . . but I probably won't post that one.

Yes, the BBM moments should sound familiar, as should the one incident in West Side Story that I mentioned. It's good to write on your own experiences.; 10:41 PM

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Monday, December 06, 2004

"Your Favorite Bully," from The 13 Years

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